My Mom

As I have said in my last post, my mom has liver cancer. It is the third time that she's had cancer in the past 4 years.

This time, it's been really hard for me emotionally. I started crying every time I thought about it, heard about it, or talked about it. I wasn't even like this the first two times she had caner; it was probably because there was always hope that she would be better after her treatment. This time, it is different. She's already weak from all the surgeries, radiation, and chemo from the first two times; I don't even know if she can take another round of chemo. She is already so small and physically weak. I feel like I should be at home helping her take care of the family and all her appointments. My family relies on me mostly for translation purposes, and I hate to hear that they go into the doctor's office not knowing how to communicate her problems. Sometimes, there is a translator, but some of them are very mean. Some of the translators look down on my parents just because they are immigrants. It hurts my heart to hear these stories from my mom. In reality, someone in everyone's family was once an immigrant. Even Christopher Columbus was! 

This has been such a tease. After she got better the first time, I thought my family's life would go back to normal, but that wasn't the case. She got cancer a second time. I still had hope that after the second time it will be completely over, but that still wasn't the case. It's really hard to see her go through chemo again. The effects of it are much worse and early on this  time. This time, she can't even get out of bed after her first round.

The only close friend that knows about this said this must be hard for me, but I think it's the hardest on my dad. My dad works twelve hours everyday, and he doesn't get that much sleep. He comes home at around 12:30 AM in the morning, showers, and then goes to sleep. Most of my mom's appointments are early in the morning around 8 AM, so my dad will have to wake up around 6:30 AM to get ready and take her. After he takes her to her appointments, he goes straight to work and that cycle repeats itself. In addition to all those responsibilities, he also has to take care of my siblings. My heart aches to see my dad working so hard and not get enough rest. I wish I was at home to help him out a little bit.

I still have hope that this will be the last time she has cancer. After this, she will be able to grow old with my dad, see me graduate, see me be successful, see me get married, and meet her grandchildren. Things will work out in the end.

An Update on My Life So Far

I want to start out by talking about everything that has been on my mind, been bothering me, and been making me feel bad.

• First of all, my mom was diagnosed with cancer for the third time. This time, it is liver cancer, and she has to go through chemo again.
• I have been very emotionally lately...it might be due to the stress from finals, the news about my mom, or the insecurity of my relationship.
• It's finals week! This is the first time in my life that I have actually let the stress get to me. I have sleepless nights, and I get frustrated enough to want to throw something against the wall!
• I am a very independent person; I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Right now, it bothers me a little because it prevents me from letting all my feelings out to my friends and the people close to me. I always feel like I am bothering them with my problems.

That's all for now. I will go in depth with each of the bullet points in their own separate post if anyone wants to read more about it.

Why I Started Blogging

This blog is really just for myself. I don't plan on letting anyone know about it or giving the link to anyone. All I need is a place for me to let out all my feelings instead of keeping it all in. I am tired of dealing with all my emotions and issues inside of me. It gets too confusing, frustrating, and I start to feel helpless at times.

Throughout this blog, you will find out more about me and what kind of person I am (if anyone even reads this blog that is). To start it off, I will list a few things about myself:

• I am a college student at UCSD.
• In life, I try to keep things simple (hence the title of my blog) because I believe happiness is achieved through a simple life.

In this blog, I will mostly be talking about my feelings and problems. It may seem like my life is complicated which is against the "simplicity lifestyle" I am trying to achieve, but this is the only way I can think of to help me clear my mind so that my reality is actually more simpler.